We all want to be in happy, healthy and secure relationships. Easier said than done.
When it comes to actually cultivating a safe loving space for us and our partners, sometimes we let other things get in the way. Our egos, old wounds that haven’t healed, our co-dependent, the tendency to force things or be clingy and so on.
There are many harmful attitudes and patterns that can destroy a relationship, even when two people are in love. Some partners may be needy, possessive and controlling, some may be very defensive or indulge in self-sabotaging behavior. Others are emotionally immature or unstable carrying deep wounds that will inevitably ruin the connection.
Here are 5 signs that can warn you about whether the relationship can grow into a healthy and mature one or go downhill.
1. They move really fast in the relationship
If someone wants to move in with you after only one week of dating, there is clearly something off here. No one can develop such deep intense feelings of affection that are definitely long-lasting after they’ve seen you twice in their lives. It may be pure lust but that’s very rarely a sign of a long-term relationship.
They may want to know your entire life story or want to get really close in a short amount of time. Although the attention you receive may be flattering, it doesn’t seem like you two move at a natural pace.
Good things take time and trust and deep affection cannot happen overnight, soulmate or not.
2. You don’t feel yourself around them
If you feel like you need to put on a layer of fake so that you can get along, you’re probably not getting along. Not for a long time anyway. Sure, we all want to be liked and feel like we belong, but we shouldn’t do it at the expense of our values.
If we’re only doing something to please our partner and keep them in our life, we’re planting the seeds of power imbalance. They will sense there are no boundaries so it will make it easier for them to take advantage.
Don’t give in, don’t lose yourself and don’t sacrifice your core values. In the long run, it will be worth it.
3. Your body rejects their energy
Sometimes, our bodies can feel things before we get to analyze them with our mind. It’s an instant reaction and it’s almost always accurate. If you feel tension or unease in your gut when you are with this person, then something isn’t quite right.
You may not have a rational explanation for this yet, but your gut instinct is to be trusted. If you are aware enough, you will notice a slight discomfort with people you know you shouldn’t be around.
4. You feel like you’re on an emotional roller-coaster ride
This is a major sign of instability in your relationship. The good moments can make you feel like you’re madly in love because they are so intense. But this will make the arguing just as intense. The on and off thing can become very draining, even though it’s masked as passion in the beginning.
5. They have a lot of skeletons in the closet
If they come to you with all the stories where they were the victim, they may just be looking for comfort. Or for a savior. They feel life has treated them unfairly and so, they can’t help but put enormous pressure on you.
Also, if they vehemently refuse to talk about past relationships, chances are they have wounds they haven’t healed, emotions they haven’t processed. This will damage the present relationship sooner or later since they are emotionally stuck in the past, when they were hurt.
With a bit of detachment, you will be able to tell they are not the right person for you. Not being on the same page with them will never give you the safe and happy relationship you deserve.