Does arguing stand among the core values of a relationship? Probably not, but effective fighting could be the reason why some couples stay together.
Research has shown that couples who fight are more in love and more likely to stay together. Poor communication is one of the most common causes of failed relationships. Therefore, arguing in a constructive and healthy way leads to actually resolving the problems.
The pairs who argue effectively are 10 times more likely to have a happy relationship than those who choose to bury difficult issues, according to a survey of almost 1,000 adults.
Many partners don’t talk about sensitive issues because that would lead to an argument and they believe that lack of quarrels will be good for their relationships. Postponing to talk about it feeds the emotional gap between the partners, eventually causing a rupture in the relationship.
Co-author of the New York Times bestseller ‘Crucial Conversations’, Joseph Grenny, says avoidance is the biggest mistake couples do.
“We feel something but say nothing. At least until we can’t stand it anymore. So we wait until we are certain to discuss it poorly before we bring it up.
We tend to avoid these conversations because we are conscious of the risks of speaking up, but unconscious of the risks of not speaking up.
We tend to only weigh the immediate and obvious risks without considering the longer term costs to intimacy, trust, and connection”, Grenny told The Guardian.
Apparently, the most difficult topics for couples to discuss are sex, financial issues and irritating habits.
“The biggest unconscious mistake couples make is failing to take emotional responsibility for their feelings. We think others are ‘making’ us feel the way we are – and fail to see our role in our own emotions. That’s why when we discuss our concerns with our loved one we are so often filled with blame and provoke defensiveness.”