Love is the most wonderful thing there is. If you are with the right person, it can never be toxic. A relationship may become toxic because of a power imbalance, but genuine connection will never lead to negativity and emotional manipulation.
Some say love is blind. It sure is. There is a dark side of love that rears its ugly face when it turns into addiction, obsession or attachment. Science tells us love is as addictive for our brains as cocaine. No wonder we stay in some relationships once we’re hooked.
Letting go can be really hard, especially for those of us prone to addictions or with attachment issues. Here are some ways to help you deal better with letting them go when they’ve become toxic for you.
1. Accept that things must change
The first step is always becoming aware of the situation you’re in. Once you realize they’re no longer the right person for you, you can’t go back. You don’t exactly know what is happening because their manipulation has worked, but you can feel it.
2. Try to understand that you deserve so much better
It has become clear to you that the relationship is falling apart, but you’re trying to cling to it with all of your being. You have given everything, but you’re not happy because deep down you know you deserve better.
You know that being stuck with the wrong person will prevent you from finding genuine happiness with another. Most importantly, they are keeping you from growing and evolving as an individual.
3. Don’t wait for them to change
Because your mind is trying to make you hold on to them, it may trick you. You can tell yourself that they can change, that maybe maybe there is still hope. The truth is people rarely change. As hard as it is for you to acknowledge this, know that it’s much harder if you stay.
4. Accept that this will hurt a lot
This is the hardest part. The though of leaving them can be unbearable so we make excuses all the time. It’s ok, it’s often a defense mechanism because we can’t put up with the pain.
Yes, it will break your heart and be devastating, it will shatter you, but believe that you have within what it takes to overcome this. And once it’s over, you will have learned perhaps the most important lesson in your life.
5. Take as much time as you need to heal
Don’t rush the process. Once you’ve made up your mind, it will take time to go through it all. Cry your heart out, call a friend, express your grief in any way possible. Let it all out now so that your emotions don’t come back in uglier ways later. It’s important.
You won’t get your life back together overnight, that’s for sure. But in the end, it will be worth it.