Letting go feels like breaking glass, like crashing waves. And nothing like we imagine it to be. When we go through heartache, we think that the day when we are finally healed will never come.
Then we wake up in the midst of an entire grieving process that seems to be taking up so much of our time and space.
It’s fulfilling, ironically. Thank you for breaking my heart, really. For pushing me to strive for better, for awakening me to an excruciating but wonderful reality. You made me realize so many things in such a short while and I’m thankful for seeing everything so clearly now.
During this past year, I had to find ways to mend this bleeding heart. I had to find ways to be angry towards you, hate you, forget you, unlove you. I had to get used to the idea that you’re nothing but a stranger now. Yes, life gets in the way. but it’s what life does.
We can always choose to stay in a relationship and fight or walk away and quit. I chose to fight, you chose to run away. And now I find myself grateful. Because what I also did over this past year was to rediscover parts of myself that I forgot were there.
I reconnected with myself in most wonderful ways, I made room for forgiveness, for grace and gratitude.
I stayed away from bitterness and anger. I reconnected with my friends and family who have always been there for me. I made room for my dreams, and I made room for letting go.
There are days I still reminisce and miss you and days I feel nothing. Those times when I feel I can finally leave the past behind are here. My present is calling me. And in this now, I feel that I will make room for love again.
We may not ever talk or meet again. Even though we were best friends, you chose to forget we were ever something. Sometimes, we love someone with the power of a thousand suns, as if we never loved.
There is no particular why. We just do. And we tend to keep those people who meant something in our lives forever in our hearts and minds. It’s what makes us human.
So I do keep you forever, only that in my memories and imagination. Be safe and happy and remember me.
These are my last words to you because I am finally ready to move on.