People have internalized huge expectations when it comes to relationships because of how love has been portrayed in fairy tales and the media.
We have somehow come to believe that true love is never ending bliss, delightful romance and perfection and that arguing or disagreeing is bad. That’s the great fallacy when it comes to the way we engage in relationships.
People expect connection and communication to be instant and to last forever. This implies that if we meet someone and things are smooth from the beginning, then we won’t have to put in any work.
But real love is not a given.
It does not exist in a vacuum just waiting for you to discover it. You need to water it so that it grows into a deeper connection and deep understanding.
In other words, effort is required from both parts. Because when two people come together, it turns into one of the most challenging experiences they will ever have.
And we need to accept that things will get messy and dark, there will be hurting, disappointment, compromises and tough decisions. It’s the only way we can reach genuine acceptance of the other, respect and love.
Relationships are so intricate because we are extremely complex as human beings.
When we bond with another, we simultaneously interact with all of their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, wounds and triggers. Everything that makes up who we are.
Many couples believe that avoiding conflict is the key to mutual understanding and a long-lasting relationship. But there will always be disagreement – in fact, it would be a cause of concern if two people agreed on absolutely everything. What matters then is how we approach our difficulties and most importantly, how we choose to solve them.
Many couples break up or get a divorce because they give up. But love is about a shared commitment to make it work whatever it takes. It takes empathy, compassion, maturity, strength and resilience to make love work. When two people believe they can overcome any obstacle as long as they are together, magic unfolds. That is true love.